Coming to the End

Well, I am saddened to say that I am coming to the end of my maternity leave. On Tuesday I will be reporting back to work after having four months off to be with my little girl. Even though the first two months of Mallory's life were challenging and at times I felt like time was creeping by, now that she's so much more fun and enjoyable I feel like time flew by. I do feel a little cheated that because she arrived a week late I sort of wasted the first two weeks of my maternity leave. Though with as much pain as my sciatic was causing me at the end of my pregnancy those two weeks to myself were a blessing. I definitely wish I could extend my time for another two months at least, but adulthood beckons at me. I did have the option to completely exhaust all of my vacation but I figure that Mallory will be getting sick so I need to keep some hours in my bank to use.

Her first day of school will actually be on Monday - even though I don't go back until Tuesday - for a couple of reasons. One, it will be nice to have a transition day for me to get used to her not being around. I'm not scared to leave her with other people - as I have full confidence in the daycare we chose - but I've gotten so used to her being my little shadow and I already know I'm going to miss her terribly. Yes there are times when she's being the devil and I wish for some time alone, but not all day for multiple days in a row. The second reason is so Jody and I can have a whole day to ourselves. He took the day off. So though it will be a sad day it will also be a good day. 

It's going to be interesting to see how harder my days will become once I'm back at work. In my opinion, being a working mom is much harder than being a stay at home mom. I'm sure there are many women who would disagree with me on that, but as I stated, that's just my opinion. Unfortunately, Mallory isn't sleeping through the night anymore and hasn't been for a few weeks at least. I've been trying so many different things to fix it but I can't seem to find the answer yet. I'm not going to give up though. Because of the sleepless nights I'm worried how I'll do when I'm sleep deprived and trying to focus at work. Hopefully I'll either get used to it quickly or she'll magically start sleeping through the night again. I'm crossing my fingers for the later. I'm going to make notes of all the things I'll need to make sure I remember to bring when I leave the house every morning so I don't forget something. Though I'm counting on forgetting a lot in the beginning.

While more of me is sad to be going back to work and leaving my little girl, there is a part of me that is okay with having time away. I'm looking forward to missing her and I can't wait to experience the feeling of seeing her after my first day back. The butterflies in the tummy feeling. My time away from her will be good for the both of us. She seems more high maintenance to me than other babies that I know and requires a lot of my attention and holding so the ladies at daycare have their work cut out for them. She's going to have to learn how to be more independent. I just hope she doesn't cry too much while she's getting used to being in a new environment and new routine. I know she'll eventually get used to it; probably much faster than I get used to being back at work.

I already know I'll be crying on Monday, and probably on Tuesday too. Heck, I'll probably cry a little bit every day next week. Especially right after I drop her off in the morning and I'm sitting in traffic on the freeway on the way in to work. I need to make a note to remember to start bringing my make up bag to work with me so I can fix what the tears ruin. My boss has already been warned that I might be somewhat emotional at first and totally understands. She's also selfishly a little happy that my maternity leave is coming to an end; she's been holding down the fort by herself this whole time so I'm not surprised that she wants me to come back so bad. I'll be busy with projects pretty much as soon as I get back which I'm glad about because it'll help me keep my mind off of how much I'll be missing Mallory. 

I'm sure this change in our routine will become easier with each passing day but I'm really not looking forward to having to get used to it. Maternity leave has been so nice and I'm grateful for the time that I was able to spend with my little girl. She has definitely made my life more meaningful. Hopefully I won't miss too many of her firsts and she'll save them for Jody and I when we're at home instead of showing off to the teachers at her daycare. My maternity leave may be coming to an end but it's also a sign of new adventures to come. New milestones to experience, new friends to make, and new memories to create.