This week has been trying for me in more ways than one and because of that I've become quite emotional lately. Most of the time when I become emotional it's an overwhelming sense of joy and anticipation of Mallory's arrival. Whether it be from a song on the radio that makes me think of becoming a parent, seeing a dad holding the hand of his little girl while she wobbly walks, or just thinking about looking at her for the first time staring adoringly into her eyes I find myself choking back tears with a smile on my face. I'm already anticipating on becoming a total crybaby in the delivery room when they put her on my chest for the first time and I'm okay with it. If anyone is going to melt my strong willed personality it will be my daughter.
I say that this week has been difficult for me because of two reasons in particular. One, because I'm growing more and more impatient as each day passes to meet my little girl. It's weird for me because I'm normally a patient person but my patience is being tested and I'm losing. Not having any control at all to know when she will grace us with her presence makes me anxious. And though her due date is still five days away, I don't want to wait five days. I feel like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka just typing that.
In relation to the impatience of my first reason comes my second reason; the discomfort that my sciatic nerve is causing me is becoming increasingly painful with each day. I've already stopped running (and I miss it terribly) and have resorted to walking and the elliptical, which I'm totally fine with. However, now even walking hurts. Yet walking helps to advance my contractions to getting Mallory here; I'm fighting an uphill battle. Every day for the past week now I've switched from ice pack to heating pad throughout the day making sure to stretch as much as possible. And while it provides temporary relief, it's just that, temporary. I've been putting on a brave face with each step I take, but after this morning's walk I became a crybaby. And even though I was still in pain after I was done crying, I felt a little better just to have let it out. I'm sure that I'll continue to break down and cry a little each time the pain overwhelms me but I don't care anymore. Maybe Mallory will hear me crying, feel bad, and come out!
Mallory will come and you will forget as it has happened for millions of mommies before you! I thought I would never ever forget but in God's wisdom we do and we go on. If we did not forget, there would not be anymore births!
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